I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
