I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
