I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
