dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
