woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
