the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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