I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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