Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
