So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
