Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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