Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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