I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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