Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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