At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dignity is for republicans.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
