3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
