watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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