I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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