White coat. Heels.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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