I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
