sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
