Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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