So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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