can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
