genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
