Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
