you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
