happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
