I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just gift wrapped bread.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
