i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
