After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
