dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
