I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
