if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
