i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
