Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
