I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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