Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
