why didn't you poke me back
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
