I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
