He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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