And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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