Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
operation have a gay friend backfired
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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