You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
