i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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