I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
