So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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