just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
