I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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