i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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