cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
