Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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