I love black thongs
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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