And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
