I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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