I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
