I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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