3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i barfeds in our rink
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
