We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
