he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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