wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
