I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
