Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There's always time for handjobs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
