look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
