Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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