Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
