I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
BRING THE BAGELS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
