Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
