Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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