her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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