thus making me awesome and them whores
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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