i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
